Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Is that a naked man at 11 o'clock?

I had an interesting experience the other day. A friend came up to my end of town (I live in one of the leafier boroughs of London, great schools but useless for things most people in their 20's are interested in, being in Zone 72 and a half - I digress). (In fact Swiss I think you were close to this end recently? Digressing again).

So my friend came up, and we had lunch and caught up on each other's lives. We decided to go to a cake shop in Muswell Hill (regular readers may suspect this is not an unusual activity). This was a fair way away from where we were, and somehow we ended up in Ally Pally (aka Alexandra Palace) where we picked blackberries, sat on a bench and enjoyed the view.

The view comprised of most of London (Muswell Hill being - shock, horror- built on a hill), the usual trees and shrubs and stuff, couple of magpies, and a naked young man. I didn't spot the man, my friend did.

'Is that a naked man?' she said?
'What? where?' said I.
'At 11 o'clock.
'The other 11 o'clock...over there you, don't stare'.
'Huh. Yeah that is a naked man. And he is...enjoying his nakedness.'

I think it was a private show, seeing as he pulled up his trousers whenever a runner came by. Gosh, I felt special. I really wasn't much in the mood for a perv that day so we just ignored him until he went away, some 10 to 15 minutes later. No idea how long he'd been there.

About 10 mins after that, a couple of local bobbies were walking up and I waved one over. 'Are you here about the flasher?', I asked. They'd heard nowt about a flasher - so we filled them in. It wasn't really important enough to call the police about, but seeing as they were there we figured we should mention it.

I soon forgot the whole thing and expected to hear nothing more about it, but have since received lots of stuff from Victim Support and have been phoned to say they've arrested someone, can I id them and give a statement? I'm pretty impressed that they have tracked anyone down but not sure how I feel about it overall.

Firstly, it's not the most important thing to be arresting people for- the sort of thing the guy was doing was an offence but he didn't come anywhere near us and I don't feel like a victim of crime - as compared to stabbings and burglaries and the like. Second, I'm not sure how I feel about giving a statement and ID information. What if they get a conviction - for something which I found to be a mild annoyance but frankly, hardly surprising to come across at one time or another? Is my natural anti-establishment/anti-authority way of thinking getting the better of me? Or is it more that I think that what he was doing wasn't really a crime? I don't think that's the case, I recognise the need for public order/sexual offences crimes of that sort.

Perhaps it's more of an indictment of how jaded London life has made me that being the 'victim' of such a crime leaves me pretty unfazed.


Swiss Tony said...


Not only have I been in your neck of the woods, I was also at Ali pali today.

Some may think i am stalking you, but I will confirm my story when I get released tomorrow morning from custody.


Anonymous said...

I take it your feeling better then? That is good if nothing else.


Mel said...

Hey G,

Actually this happened last week - I just heard from the police yesterday. I've not left the house in last few days in case I was contagious.

I don't think it was swine flu though - I feel better after just a couple of days. Panic over nowt, I'm probably just very suggestible (a friend and a boss had swine flu).

Mel said...


I'm sure you were just there for the view and the blackberries too.

If you were also there last week, well then I know a lot more about you than I probably needed to. (Thanks for spoiling my appetite - an impressive feat).

Do you live round here then?

Anonymous said...


Swiss Tony said...

Mel, No I don't live near you, quite the opposite, but I was out on a jaunt to the suburbs to attend a hearing.

Wednesday I was in the RCJ, listening to 2 senior Counsel addressing a LJ breaking all the rules and being what I would call on a sliding scale of uselessness, pretty pathetic.

Next time I need to make a submisison on the BVC I will hopefully not be influenced by their lack of ability.


ps Glad your piggy virus wasn't.

Law Minx said...


The appearence of a BUCK Nekkid Swizzle in the High Court notwithstanding, would you like me to email you the code for the web button award thingie Andro designed for me to give you?!?

Mel said...

Ooh I wondered what magic words Android and BM had said to have those appear! Please do, a triumphant post is needed round here methinks!

Law Minx said...


With respect to the gif/code for the award button, drop me an email ( cant find an addy for you on your profile thingy) - and I shall send by return!! ( my email IS in my profile thingy!)

Matt Wardman said...

They go for the naked ones so that they can get more Section 44 "we think you are a terrorist, O person who just happens to be standing there" searches in in a shorter period. No need to check inside coats etc.

Boosts the productivity metrics.

I think.